what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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