I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
