Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
