i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize