just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
