dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
