I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
