she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
