She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
