I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
