Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
