dude i'm inner monologue high
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize