His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
