Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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