I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
