Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
BRING THE BAGELS
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
