I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
