What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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