I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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