I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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