Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
