I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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