Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I stole a fireplace last night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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