There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
