I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
