I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
