tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
