I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm always down for nudity.
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