Nicole vs. Life
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
