I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
