I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
