You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
