I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I need moral support for this bender
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
