HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I forget how to act sober
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
