i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize