My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize