Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
