Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
