My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
