In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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