take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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