So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
