The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize