Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
