Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
