Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
