They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
