Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
