im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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