Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
