Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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