what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
