Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
