Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
