I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
