Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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