idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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