bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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