I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
