Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
