its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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