Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
