they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
