Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
