Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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