I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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