He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
