I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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