So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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