Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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