john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
