yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize