Tell her she can't have a vagina
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize