She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
