Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Randomize
