he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
